jimmy likes his pussy (willows) wet

wet

wet pussy

wet pussy will

wet pussy willow pussy willow

will you with me

pussy willow pussy willow

wet pussy will

pussy will

pussy willow

come here

kitty

kat

i, monkey

click the picture

and play the video like a good little monkey

free investment advice

invest in gravol

if i told you why

i'd have to kill you

nonetheless

buy as much gravol stock as the market will allow

and keep a box on hand too

trust me

maya and the internet

she's damn cute

and affectionate

and smart

and stoopid

and fortunate there's an internet...

firstly

we found her on the internet

free to a good home sort of post on the OPG website

and then yesterday

yesterday it was nice outside
and for the first time since we got the maya dawg
the front door was open

after awhile it seemed strange that she wasn't following us around
as it turns out
the screen door wasn't latched proper
so she quietly took herself for a walk

she went across the road and 3 houses up the street
went in the house when they opened the door
and proceded to eat all their dog's food

now the internet part

still wearing the name tag from her previous home
the neighbor called the number on her tag which is in niagra
maya's previous owners could only give them my blog address
because they don't even have my home address

the neighbor goes online to

www.sweetjimmyswinghammer.blogspot.com

discovers sweetjimmy is me from the pictures
and i get my dog back - via the internet

sort of anyway

we got a new tag now - it's all good

pogo a gogo

facebook this! i'm in brunette heaven

diana made the delicious daquiri's again

lyndsay laughed

then lyndsay and diana laughed

a lot

maybe they thought it was funny

that they showed up wearing the same top

or maybe it was something else

we made chocolate chip cookies
ate mexican food

smoked some medicine

and

drank the absinthe

i can't remember what was so funny
but it was way damn funny

and

jimmy loves brunettes

thoughts on weirdness

people are weird
but sometimes we meet people
whose weirdness compliments our own weirdness
weirdness that is compatible with ours
when fate smiles upon the weird
we get to spend our time with someone just like that
falling into a mutually satisfying weirdness
and we call it love
true love

changing of the gaurd - fu dog on duty

we used to have a gargoyle at the front door

protecting our home from evil spirits

but it's time for something new

the chinese fu dog

known as the "happiness dog" for over 3000 years

it's not actually a dog

but strangely enough

a lion

and even though 3000 years ago

lions weren't indigenous to china

fu dog became a sacred symbol found at temple entrances

and embroidered on royal robes

historically a defender and protector

it is also symbolizes energy wisdom and values

-

our gargoyle

the evil spirit gaurding 1500 year old european cousin of fu

is now in the living room

wearing the bow tie i found in a parking lot last weekend

ancient wisdom contemporary truth

to a father growing old

nothing is more dear

than a daughter

- euripides

my pussy willow is pussying

how's that for cuteness?

mom ain't bad either.

sweet jimmy is a dirty boy

a prayer for the infected...

please lord

bless the internet porn

make it free, hardcore and readily available

but cast into hell

those malevolent bastards

who've violated my online security sphincters

and infected my machine

god damn you bastards

what's wrong with you?

...

ew i feel so dirty

this might take a couple days

let's face it

special pancake

fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

As we are liberated from our own fear

our presence liberates others."

never is now

and

tomorrow is nothing more
than a promise insincerely whispered
by our expectations

fuck fear

live

lucky 13

today was a beautiful day

a day of dreams

about new beginnings

about change

and finding that what you're looking for

has already found you

a day blessed by a beautiful sunrise

and an unexpected rainbow

planting seeds of hope

in the garden of insight and best intentions

i said woof dammit

there are two dogs that live inside me

one is larger

and dominates my life

it is the one i feed the most

and i leave it for you

to discover

is it the good dog

or the fire breathing leg humping hell hound

-

truth

the sun will always shine

on the memories

you left behind

and i believe

there was truth in those moments

the moments

when we were nothing

except ourselves

and loving every minute of it

who am i? who am i? LMFAO

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it, it is real. But only for a season!

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

AND SOMETIMES PEOPLE COME INTO YOUR LIFE

AND WE THINK THEY'RE SPECIAL
BUT THEY'RE REALLY NOT. I MEAN REALLY. NOT.
THEY'RE JUST MORE TROUBLE THAN THEY'RE WORTH.

AND THE UNFORTUNATE TRUTH, THE HARSH REALITY, THE ONLY LESSON IT ALL OFFERS IS THAT SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE WEIRD

AND EVEN HOPE CAN LET YOU DOWN.

hey jimmy - where you been

if i told you i'd have to kill you

and there just isn't room in the basement for more bodies

so shut up

sit down

and pay attention

new posts are on the way

sweet jimmy swinghammer rides again!

should i be worried?

i've tried to cultivate abstract thinking

as a part of my daughter's problem solving skill set

thinking outside the box sort of shit

i now know for sure she has grasped the concept and i'm worried

let me explain...

she plays roller coaster tycoon - a game that simulates the creation and operation of a theme park - you build attractions and construct rides and concession stands - even bathrooms

people come to your park and enjoy themselves - you earn money and

within a certain time frame

you need x number of dollars and x number of people in your amusement park to meet your objective and win- pretty straight forward

-

there's this feature

you can access a pull down menu that lists all the park guests by name, what they're doing and what they're thinking - things like "i'm hungry" "where's the washroom""that ride is fun"that ride is lame" etc.

you can actually pick people up individually and put them places they want or need to be - the washrooms - a particular ride - food stand etc.

so here's where it all gets a little funky

they also say " i want to go home" or "leaving the park"

so my daughter

takes the equipment that is used to build rides and gardens and sidewalks

and she builds a pit

she starts picking up all the people that are leaving

and she puts them in the pit

they can not escape

they walk around aimlessly saying "i want to go home"

but they can't leave

my daughter's theme park has become a concentration camp

her attendance numbers stay VERY high

it's like a wasp trap - once you're in there's no getting out

some of her prisoners errr patrons have been at the park for over a year

she's put a shelter in the pit

a hot dog vendor

and washrooms

it's all geneva convention - better than guantanimo bay

i'm impressed with her resourcefulness

and a little bit uneasy just the same

my baby gurl has become a rollercoaster dictator

is this a bad sign?

should i start sleeping with one eye open?

the epic saga of pudge

if you see the gurl on the right

her name is michelle

ask her to tell you the "pudge" story

you see pudge is a dude

a big dude like the name implies

and for reasons i'd rather not indulge

this gurl and a friend

found themselves laying down some payback on pudge when he was passed out

her job was to physically spread his ass cheeks

so her accomplice

could pour hot sauce on pudge's poop hoop

so...

she gets a handfull of ass in each hand

gingerly pulls them apart

"he musta had one waiting in there" she says

cause when she pulled apart his ass cheeks

a fart fell out

omg!!!

i thought i was gonna piss i laughed so hard

and as if that's not enough

the story goes on

pudge got the burning ring of fire but there's so much more to it

make her tell you...

ask her what pudge does when he shits his pants

which he does way more often than you or i

weird guy this pudge

the casa de swinghammer pancake fiasco

it all started innocently enough

with pretty girls and daquari's

-

we were drinking and smoking and talking about jesus

like we often do

when for some reason one of the gurls says "can we make toast"

and then jesus

who clearly had a contact high going on from all the smoke says:

"hey let's make pancakes with chocolate chips"

-

so we did - well diana and trish did

michelle and i laughed mostly

you see...

it was all sorta straight up pancake making until diana poured all the batter on the grill to make one huge-normous pancake

who does that? i said - you're insane! i said

that's fucked it'll never work! i said

suddenly jesus says:

"goddamn jimmy i think they're gonna do it"

and they did!!!

it took two flippers four hands and spatula type thingy

but finally when all was said and done

di and trish managed to make the biggest friggin' pancake i ever saw

so

we christened the bastard with 100% real maple syrup

and ate like fiends

until there was no more pancake

it was dodgam fabulous man!!!

thank you jesus.

my baby has braces...

she's not happy about it.

click the link to read her thoughts about braces

http://theidiotsblogtostupididioticthings.blogspot.com/2007/02/braces.html

FAITH

earlier today

i'm feeling a little ethereal

inspired and somewhat in awe

of the crisp white blanket of snow that lay before me

so i shuffle around

in this awkward "march of the penguins" sort of way

spelling the sacred word

faith

in the snow

and when i'm done - the dog comes over

humps up and has a steaming shit right in the middle of my faith

pretty much dotted the "i" with a big turd

-

that's gotta mean something

i am uncle sweet jimmy swinghammer

my nephew is two now

at christmas i got my first hug

he's becoming a people now

he knows who bre and i are

and let me tell you

there isn't anything in this world

nothing at all

like a hug from a child who knows you

nasty weather

absolutely brutal freezing rain

schools closed

roads closed

but

i still have to work so 6am

i'm skating across my driveway

on sheets of ice

and driving to whitby

i have to hand it to the short bus though

hands down

the best bad weather vehicle i've ever driven

even better than the 4wd monster truck