twas the night before christmas

blah blah

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

-

and to all... a good night

(finally)

santa says:

pull my finger boy

i'm crampin' up real bad

smile : )

it's easy enough

to get emily

to pose for a picture
especially

if she's particularly

proud of herself

it's just really hard

for some reason

to get her to

smile

she's been working on this new face

for awhile now

it's what she does

when you say

smile

jimmy say's "baybee that felt good...really good"

because we're going to cuba
diana diana diana beautiful diana and i

decided to set a $50 dollar limit

on gifts for each other

then

we decided to spend that $50 each

on toys and donate them

then

we couldn't stop

$50 $100 $250 and on it went

we kept buying one thing after another

wouldn't this be cool

wouldn't that be cool

all the time thinking about kids getting gifts

who might not have gotten much otherwise

i've asked people to make a charitable donation in my name instead of buying me something

no one ever does though - it's no fun

so now i say

buy toys - think like a kid - have fun AND feel good doing it

don't make me come over there

bre n the boo - gingerbread house

one year

our gingerbread house

was a disaster

-

but this year

with that experience behind us

and emily talking breanna through it

and

despite the

periodic icing thievery

the project is going well

it's a blustery day boo

the news is calling it

"snowmageddon"

it seems cold

but really

we don't know shit from good chocolate

when it comes to cold

kapuskasing ontario is cold

north of timmins

-

it's -38 there today

that's without a windchill factored in

we're dealing with -7 to -10

it's no fun but it ain't -38

-

so let's suck it up

and for god's sake

dress appropriately

it is winter

naughty or nice?

desiderata

Be yourself

Especially do not feign affection

Neither be cynical about love

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment

it is as perennial

as the grass

pink is the shit around here these daze

very very

pink

passports please

i think she looks like a russian spy

pookie svetlana or something

eyes of a killer

we're gonna get raped at cuban immigration for sure

-

the three finger hello

cavity searches

violated

even before we even get to the bar

-

go to your happy place

breathe deep

bear down

and

shit

-

that's right

it's high fiber for me

all week before i go

-

prepare to dig in muck officer

-

cause

i'm gonna

poop in your hand

the people who matter don't mind

by the

way

make sure

you see

Horton hears a Who

and

do

consider it deeply

deeply consider it

do

cuba cuba cuba

jineteras

sun, cigars, rum

and

sand in yer panties

-

it's a cubano

christmas

amigos

santa's reindeer people

every year

for the last three

santa and a couple nordic herder types dressed like wookie's

bring reindeer to bowmanville

and put in some

PR time

this year it was dancer and dasher

it was tres tres froid

but

thanks to our dumb luck with this sort of thing

there was no line up again

just the reindeer people, santa, us,

and a bearded lady

mason

slept soundly

through the whole ordeal

-

santa keeps asking emily what she wants

she keeps saying

candy

-

then

when she gets off his lap

as she's leaving

much to her amazement

they give her

candy

everytime

-

this santa thing

works perfectly as far as she's concerned

ask and ye shall receive

cup-ke-lup-ke

lately i've been feeling a little...

do not feed the bear

desiderata

Exercise caution in your business affairs

the world is full of trickery

but let this not blind you

to what virtue there is

-

many persons

strive for high ideals

and everywhere

life is full of heroism

things you see when you do have your camera

random boy with a head full of electricity

mickey d's playland

the santa trip - part two

it was closed when we got there at 2:55

and

we seemed to be

the only ones looking like

we were looking for santa

-

the sign said he'd be back at 3pm

and over the next five mins

the line grew and grew and grew behind us

-

waiting sucks

you can ask those people about it

cause they

had to wait for us

emily entertained mason

for that short period of time we waited

and

was particularily proud of herself

when she made him smile

then

santa claus

and his fembot wind up toys

arrived

fem-bot number one

opened the gate

and said

let me pose for a picture

or something like that

but

her festive little eyes

said something more like

-

pssst

-

daddy?

wind me up?

wind me up tight...like santa does

-

i let her look into my eyes

said nothing

and she understood

that there could never be anything between us

cause sweet jimmy's got a

red hot

elfen-type bear thing

dancing under his mistletoe

a little further along the way

they have these magic christmas glasses

which don't look so cool dans la tete

but

they make the world

look like this

-

last year i kept mine

so i could wear them

on special occasions

like

when i'm lit up

like

a christmas tree

ho ho

yes siree

under the influence

-

anyway

the kids got kerplunked on

apathetic santa's lap

we snapped a few pictures


and that's
how it went down
-
apparently they're going to email us a link
to a video
of emily's visit with santa
-
it's free this year
at the
oshawa center

the santa trip

the santa trip
-

**STARRING**

aunt mag, uncle dave, mason, boobaw

and

the DIANA - seen here proudly

demonstrating her prowess on the sexercise...

i mean...exercise ball

getting ready

to see santa

is

a really big deal

for woropaunts di and mag

which made it a big deal for the emily too

once all the primping and poking was done

we went to the mall

and lined up by the giant nutcrackers

who appear to have no nuts

which might explain their lack of empathy about the cracking of nuts