bubbles' father is in the house

"turn your knob to bob" he says

"fuckin' eh" we say

-

sara's mom has returned briefly from england with her husband bob and his daughter to hang here in canada with her daughters

-

he's charming and funny

handsom - i've never seen anyone look so good wearing a daquairi

a very unique dancer

and well worth waiting for i think

kay waited a long time to get hitched again - it's all very romantical

-

after a few drinks and some smoldering herbage

i say

bob, can you stick your jaw out some

and put your lower lip over your upper lip

he does it and i almost fall over laughing

if they needed someone to play bubbles' father on trailer park boys - i think we found our man - being from england they don't know trailer park boys - so i googled and we all giggled

congratulations kay

always a pleasure to see you sister mary

thanks for everything sara

until next time becomes this time

be well all

kitty-fest

breanna is going away for two weeks

first time ever i won't see her for so many days

so i made extra sure we had opportunity to do some of the things i know make her heart smile

today was kitty-fest

we went to the local animal shelter and to welcome feeds at the bowmanville mill

they always have kittens for mauling and adopting - she cuddled with and had her picture taken with every last one of them

mulberry madness

my neighbour has a beautiful mulberry tree
every year i look forward to it's bounty of berries
they're delicious and make your finger tips purple
like you have some kind of peripheral vascular disease
for some reason i like that

birds love these berries too
mulberries make bird shit purple and permanent

it would seem THEY like that

judging by the dramatic increase

in the amount of bird shit on my hot tub cover

there is so much fruit this year
that a lot of it has over ripened
and fermented on the ground
-
there are inebriated birds flying all over the neighbourhood
high on mulberry ferment
shitting purple in every direction
dancing like drunkards around my bird bath
and terrorizing the local cats
-
as for me - i'm ripped to the teats - shitting where i please - and blaming it on the birds

ice cream truck

" mister nice cream"

(kinda creepy name goes nicely with the psycho clown music)

has banana milkshakes

and chocolate milkshakes

i get him to go chocolate monkey with that

1/2 banana and 1/2 chocolate

you should t00

sweet jimmy's got a dirty blog

not suitable for decent folk -
accept no substitutes

This rating was determined based on the presence

of the following words:

ass (15x) - pussy (12x) - sex (11x) - shit (9x) - fuck(8x) - sexy (6x) - hell (5x) - bitch (4x) - dangerous (3x) - porn (2x) - xxx (1x)

i am surrounded by arseholes

blogger to blogger - we're listening jewelgurl

we blog

we are those children

who always had something to say

whether anyone was listening or not

self-aggrandizing childhood opinionistas

but

we're all grown up now

so we blog

whether anyone is listening or not

my fellow blogger, coworker, and friend type thing has been diagnosed with cancer -the kind of cancer that changes everything you thought you knew

- yet she bravely and boldly continues blogging -

connecting facts and fears with familiar words - giving light to insights inheirited from the most difficult and unfamiliar of circumstances

we've worked together for 16 years - and our 24/7 workplace shapes us - involuntarily but effectively

the only people we see more than our immediate family as the years roll on is each other - and to that effect we become extended family

we spend long nights together - we spend holidays together away from our loved ones - we learn life's lessons together - we face uncertainty and danger together - we rely on one another's strengths and exploit each other's weaknesses - we problem solve together - we fail and triumph together - we laugh together - we cry together - we attend weddings together - we celebrate births together - we mourn our losses together

and

these days miss jilly jewelgurl

we read your blog together

thank-you

my next tattoo?

the hot tub gets an ass shelf

i must have mentioned the ass shelf to my parents

because

for my birthday present this year

dad bought the wood and came over to help me build it

butt i'm thinking

i must not have mentioned

the lurid and indecent sex-acts an ass shelf

is intended to facilitate

if i had

i'm sure i would have gotten a gift card instead

-

before photos

and after

thanks dad - don't tell mom

what are you doing july 7th?

click here for details

sweet jimmy is gonna load up the party van

and haul ass to toronto

for fireworks

-

wanna cum?

seating is limited reserve yours now

-

creeping fungus productions

will be hosting a "pre-incendiary party"

at casa de swinghammer

-

bbq wings and ribs

cob on the corn

jimmy's world famous chunky potato salad

a-loco-hol

music

hottub

good fiends

dumb fun

and fireworks

-

rsvp

need more info?

email futher.mucker@hotmail.com

leave a comment

or

call 1-900-spank-me

some of the beautiful things in my garden

live like you're being watched

you can't feel properly alienated from a process you didn't know existed or a choice you didn't know you had ...

i am surrounded by jabbering idiots...chasing their tails and complaining about the view...people with no vision and as much ambition as a bloated goat...people with opinions, criticisms, deconstructions and preconceived insight...poor fuckers kissing the frog over and over with no dreams of a prince...just kissing the frog

it's a sad cacophony of circumstance in a world where accountability is a word that applies to someone else...where sex will kill you and the rain that brings every new rainbow is laced with acid

too busy doing and not enough being being done...people to do, places to be and things to go

white noise and raging tides erase the high water mark of our moral degeneration while everything we thought we knew slips into the river one last time and never comes back

like a dog that doesn't love you and always liked the food better somewhere else...the same dog that humped your leg but would never look you in the eye

no illusions here...just another day in paradise wondering what the hell happened to yesterday before it's too late to enjoy today, tonight and tomorrow

forgive our trespassers...deliver us from evil...rent a fast car and get out of town before reason and logic give way to a reality based cerebral infarct...oh no man...not again

not like last time

excerpt from "sweet jimmy swinghammer kissed my kitty"

father's day - i'm at work :(

it's father's day

and all i ever want

is to spend time with my little gurl

and look at my life with eyes that see how lucky i am

to be loved and relevant

to know one very special person

so very well

since her very first breath

and feel a love

so real

so consuming

that my entire world is defined by it

better for it

and beautiful because of it

-

i love you breanna

i'll be home soon

in memory of grandma jane

breanna is als walkin' again this year - today in port perry
(link to last year)

through the als homepage bre and her mom
created a web page that allows online donations
-
also known as lou gherig's disease
als is anyone
als is anytime
als is very expensive
als is still always fatal
-
please donate

fresh strawberries from the garden

i picked fresh strawberries

(the ones the dog hasn't eaten)

from the garden in my backyard

and then diana diana diana

beautiful diana

turned them into

absolutely the best daquairi ever

yummy and yummy

benevolent stranger

the benevolent

stranger

139 king street bowmanville

(used to be the house of fish - this real estate is cursed with coolness)

one of our favorite local shops - open since march - gets a makeover

expect floor to ceiling funny phreaky unique and funky

expect pretty and unpretty

go see for yourself - jimmy said so

what do you rememeber

some stories you can tell

others,

you spend the rest of your life

pretending they never happened

outlaw - not a cowboy

i still rape cowboys

for practice.
don't make me come over there.

the garden of love

enjoyed this beautiful day

the first of a new year

gardening with my daughter

"lame"-inato

carnivalissima - part of the toronto luminato festival

it was supposed to be the

"firewalk"

it sounded absolutely perfect online

but it was just ok

-

more of a marvel in marketing than art

there were some stellar moments

the international market place was interesting

and my companions

though a little numbty

were beautiful

sushi culture -

sushi culture in whitby

80 thickson rd.

-

chicken beef lobster shrimp

warm saki

and a fire happy japanese chef

-

domo

happier 4:20

sweet jimmy's 4:20

you see i was born on this day at 4:20 am - no shit

-

the last few years i've been getting up at 4:20 on my birthday

just now i woke up at 4:17 - without an alarm - kinda neat to wake up on your birthday just moments before you were born and take a little time to think about that

-

it's a serene time of day

everything earthbound

is silouetted black against a strangely luminescent sky

that point in time when darkness gives way to shadows

when black turns to midnight blue

-

birds are singing as though they're anticpating the light

-

it a good time to be free of the frenetic buzz that is everyday

and just feel

and be thankful

-

i had a fabulous evening with my daughter

and the most incredibly beautiful woman

enjoying the important things while doing simple things

important things like laughter and love

simple things like drinking wine, shopping for food together

and strawberries from my garden

-

i think of my mom just now

should i call her - it's 4:39

resist the urge - i think i already did that one other year

i wouldn't want the joke to get old

-

this joke i call me is getting old

and what bothers me most about that

is that my life is unusual interesting and brilliant

-

i feel good
i love who i am

i love the people i have in my life

i feel connected and aware and intuitive

i feel relevant wrong respected and loved

-

i like this ride

and

every year the ride is one year shorter

or so we like to believe

you never really know

-

my warm bed waits

daylight threatens to unleash the buzz

exhale

-

carpe diem

ole

it's friday

and there is no saturday

if you do friday right.

stuff i found in the cyber-dump

this is funny.

this is not.

we are consumed

"the revolution has eaten her children"

i think i heard words to this effect in a song

and in these words

i heard a sort of truth

about innovation and evolution

and the good we haven't done

since the onset of this prosperity revolution

with all it's global information, developmental wealth

and personal freedoms

in a split second

in these words

i heard the haste and shallow trappings

that consume our lives

while we rush to consume what we can

and the revolution

consumes us

neil crone and the art of saying yes

neil crone was guest speaker

at opseu's 2007 BPS health care council meeting this past friday

-

if he looks familiar you may have seen him on old episodes of red green, an assortment of commercials and more recently on cbc's "little mosque on the prairie"

-

or maybe you've seen him on the streets of sunderland - where i used to live in another life, in an apartment behind the coin laundry - a town so small he says

"everyone knows where everyone else's birthmarks are"

my colorful coworker val who owns the age of aquarius store in oshawa used to live in sunderland too

and she'll tell you it's true

-

he is also a local columnist with the metroland media cartel which controls all the community newspapers from here to there and everywhere in between - i've been reading neil's column "enter laughing" (also the name of his blog) for many years

-

in addition to being a canadian tv celebrity, comedian, and generally charismatic - neil is also a health care consumer and cancer survivor

-

his discourse on "the art of saying yes" was inspiring, cerebral, and entertaining

-

beyond the humour his message was well received and relevant

(read "waiting" and it's comments page on jewelgurl.blogspot.com)

-

we are born fearless -we learn limits

we learn to play it safe - edit our lives to be "correct"

and in doing so

we limit ourselves

now we need to learn to say yes

-

make room for happiness and time for play

"fill your world with beautiful things"

perspective, peace, dignity, and joy

-

congratulations neil - you nailed it

-

www.neilcrone.com

(shameless self promotion)

-

http://www.ccac-accc.ca/neil-crone-11.html

(complete collection of crone's cancer writings)

meat puppet

i wanna be your meat puppet

won't you pull my strings

to make me dance

that i might see

if this beaten heart

is broken

and my wanting soul still sings

-

beaten may be broken

and living not truly alive

while i'm waiting

for something

worth waiting for

until the puppeteer arrives