halloween or else

halloween - brought to you by:

lucky lager

and the one tequila two tequila three tequila blunts

1st annual halloween jackass extravaganza

halloween

a bit before 830pm

at the swinghammer estate

sweet jimmy dumbass

full of lucky lager and foolish intentions

will climb to the top of the peaked roof of casa fiesta

the spotlight will come on to reveal dumbass

wearing a sparkling golden helmet and orange coveralls

where he will perform his impression of a roman candle by shooting colored balls of fire from his outstretched hands

pagan preparations

twas the night before halloween

and all through the house

there were smoke machines and strobe lights

flashing lights and skulls

there was music and sound effects

pumpkins and beer
because before i get home tomorrow

the kids will be here

...

still smokin'

...poor bastard

...

it's especially cool hooking up halloween with a black cat running around getting into the spirit too

...

despite the crap weather i still have flowers growing

courtice "fear" market n stuff

the hallowed texts of halloween tradition dictates a pagan pilgrimage

to the courtice fleamarket - this year they had it going - lots of people in costume - a haunted house - which Bre absolutely refused go in because i think this year she has had ALL the shit scared completely out of her - she survived the haunted farm and fearfest but the flea market too? well that would prove to be the last straw - not going dad

and she crossed her arms and she didn't go

i love you anyway babe lol

...

we scored some incense, ear rings, a belt, some inspiration stones

and the free pumpkin deal

...

damn was it windy - we watched signs blow over and insane herds of leaves stampeding with the savage gusts - down at the lake the waves were coming in above the cement breaker

"it's a blustery day poo"

...

breanna's great grandfather (momside) celebrated his 90th birthday on saturday with friends and family at the cedar dale church in oshawa

he also had cataract surgery recently - and now, a man i've known to wear glasses for at least the last 17 years, sees perfectly without glasses at 90 years of age

congratulations Frank

feAr FeST - friends and foul weather fun

first the pictures

then the words

we're busy busy busy getting ready for

DEVILS NIGHT

one night anything goes

brilliant moments

i've read that working the night shift
shortens how long you live by as much as 10 years

jimmy says fuck it
those are the years at the end anyway

the shittin your pants
to old to fuck
can't walk up the stairs
don't remember who you are years

coming home in the early morning

i have driven into so many beautiful sunrises

had opportunity after opportunity to feel the consumate splendor of fushia, blood orange, indigo and so many other colors without names blended on an endless canvas before me

...

today i discovered a new place to enjoy this grandeur

and found myself listening to an incredible and haunting song called angel's wings by mike ness formerly of social distortion

...

angel's wings gonna carry me away

angel's wings

won't you carry me home

...

you can take those 10 years off the end of my life jesus

but this morning i need thank someone

for all the absolutely brilliant moments i've experienced and will experience between the coming and the going

-

praise be to allah my friends

praise be to allah

eye'll see you tonight jackass

don't forget to bring a dvd

good music for bad boys

what do dangerous men have playing in their heads
when they're doing dangerous things

music for the mean and nasty - loud noise for bad boys

listen up mutha fucka

bodycount's in the house
bodycount's in the house

body count body count

ice-t

before law and order
when he used to call himself
"ICE-MUTHA-FUCKIN-T BITCH"

-

-

go to your favorite song swappin software

you bad ass music stealing pirate bastard

download - bodycount and cop killer

...

turn it up real loud

pull out your SHIT LIST and start writing down names

...

- what the fuck -

somebody

somebody put something

somebody put something in my drink

shameless self promotion

i got some attitude - from well intentioned people

for posting that brutal picture of myself on the

friday or else entry

...

take it off they said - it's awful

...

well my fiends - i won't be takin' it down

it gives me a license to post bad pics of other people on the blog

and that just might be fun

...

but i will post this sweeter pic of jimmy swinghammer

- fucking outlaw not cowboy -

and

these days make sure you get in nice and close because

sweet jimmy smells even better than he looks

more shameless self promotion

it's all about new beginnings

leaving the past behind

moving forward

sex show

i've been looking for the right belt buckle for a while now
and there it was

found it at the sex show
very sexy buckle - smell of new leather mmmmmmm
one good pull - bam
the belt is free and ready to kiss flesh
sweet jimmy says bend over baybee i got something for you

--- --- ---

so

it was decided for me that i shouldn't take the camera inside the show with us

there was a well founded fear of inappropriate pictures
and even more inappropriate blog postings

hard to argue with that kind of logic

...

gotta love the "canadian male internationale" dancers
made me realize i need a black cowboy-type hat
and the one dude had boots that are now on my wish list

we'll never forget that snarley faced guy
pretty sure he was trying to make his sexy "i mean buisiness face"
but it looked more like he was smelling dirty ass

...

as always the everything to do with sex show was a wealth of perverse purveyors of pornographic product

picked up a classy hand made blown glass sex toy as a gift
very sexy to touch - smooth - hard - friendly shape - and it warms very nicely creating a very very sensual tactile experience

...

people watching is never better than at the sex show
odd couples hot couples old couples same sex couples and more
everywhere you walked people are talking sex

gspot this
ejaculate that
touch me here
touch me there
would i look good
in this underwear

...

ask me about the fucking stunt driving extravaganza on the way there
insane moment in time
total disaster averted by inches and split seconds

karma baybee - karma

friday or else godamnit!!!!

there's one thing in this sideways world that you don't want to see my friends

ok maybe two

if you count lizz lyons the sixty-five year old stripper lifting her top up from the waist to show you her ta ta's swinging by her belly button

the other thing is sweet jimmy swinghammer

in a full out
no holds barred someone tell me to sit down "happy dance"

oh yeah baybee

it's friday - i got better things to do than bloggin'

turn it up!!!!

scent of a woman

she brings armani black code and zirh intl corduroy
suddenly the bad man is the best smelling animal in the forest

ask her about high end expensive stink when you see her
it's what she does - the fragrance industry

it's the kind of work that makes nurses jealous - and possessive

she knows stuff you don't want to know about things that smell pretty

for example
(hang on to your lunch kids)

sperm whales regurgitate this crud that floats to shore, hardens into a sort of rock, and they use this stuff as a binding agent in cologne

no i am not shitting you

this is information only the pro's know
cause you and i - we don't need to know

if it smells nice
don't ask too many questions

it's 420 - let me just tell you this...

i'm gonna say this
not cause it needs to be said
only because it's relentlessly true

jimmy might be getting older uglier and meaner my fiends,

but

the sweet one's women
keep getting hotter
and hotter

it's a godamn fact

put that in your pipe

just another pretty girl?

" just" a pretty gurl - i don't think so

i just don't think so

420 moment

compassion

is a fine art...

maybe the finest

bomanville zoo

autumn is sweet jimmy's favorite season

the colors remind me ever so slightly of my favorite acid trips

...

if you want good service you don't just pay the man

the swinghammer school of taking care of business - grease the right palms...er...trunks

making sure the kids get there and back safely

...

i stood there for over an hour trying to get the feathered freaks to say "rotten rat bastard - 1 800 spank me - ask for jimmy" - finally the parrots asked me to leave

freak zoo

somebody painted the beautiful white bowmanville horses all stripe-ity

...

you know how on tv bloopers there's always that poor bastard that gets his nuts fondled by the elephant...i was that poor bastard for this sad eyed lusty pachyderm

it's quite an experience - the crowd loved it

...

freak humour - they call this beast "side-step sally" - me thinks home is too close to the nuke plant - that is a fully developed leg growing out of her back

...

this goat speaks three different languages and can read your thoughts

- no really i'm serious -

...

and finally the most bizarre, freaky, fearsome beast of all...

watch your fingers kids

...

applefest this!!!

every year another applefest

bowmanville

fun and games - rides and retailers

and lots of very yummy teats...errrr...treats

so sweet jimmy looks her right in the eye and says "first i'm going to let you ripen some sweet young thing - here's a quarter - call me when you're 17"

she posed for the picture, took the quarter, said she'd call on her birthday

and jimmy says to her

"i know you will baby - i know"

i was expecting to be swarmed by drooling smarmy wanna-be politicians glad handing and smooth talking their way through the crowds - i only got drooled on once

this is the dumpling factory

people just love the dumplings

the photos below show the line up for the dumpling tent - doesn't matter when you go - fair weather or foul - folks line up like this for they greasy battered apples