never forget

my regrets will wash away

somehow

but i'll never forget how i feel

right now

that feeling that you

are the worst thing that ever happened to me

lost little girls

what you are doing
so quickly
impulsively
amid so many unknowns for all the wrong reasons
is the worst idea
in the long sad history
of bad ideas
and
as always
never listening
to the people who truly care about you
who have always been there for you at the worst of times
find themselves helpless
but to stand and watch you

justify rationalize dream and conjecture
what you feel others need to hear
to believe in you


all the while
happily for a time
lost in a world of make believe, being needed,
consumed by wayward hopes and little girl dreams

you are free to be beautiful
do what you want
do what makes you happy
and feel loved

good luck with that
i smell doom - and i know it well

xo

i miss you

i detest you
and yet
i miss you so much
i detest me
as well

not because you left - because of how you left...

you took from me
something i will never be able to give anyone else
and it was beautiful

i'll be what i am...

i've had it to here - being where love is a small word

a part time thing - a paper ring...

prayer for difficult times

i am guilty lord, but i am also a lover

i am one of your best people as you know - yea though i have walked in many strange shadows - acted crazy from time to time - consumed excessively many sacred medicines -and lusted savagely with your high priestesses - i have not been an embarassment to you

so leave me alone goddamnit -i ache and i'm tired and i don't want any more of it

don't make me come up there - your humble and unwilling servant,

jimmy swinghammer xo

love

if you love something set it free...
just don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes

change

i am a but a puppet in god's mishappen freakshow

dancing for change on the filthy sidewalks of life

dreaming everyday of another way

but dancing the same old dance nonetheless

be what you are

once a dagger has pierced the heart
always a dagger it will be

wrong

the day was heavy and hot with wrong - there was no escaping it - no shade - no breeze - nothing but the swarming fetid stink of regret hanging in the air like a wet fart with nowhere to go

hope

watches
as every new moon
passes through the night sky
and in his heart
he sincerely hopes
that as it brings back the ocean tides
it will also
bring you back to me

darker days

a man walking through the forests and meadows of his memories listens to his heart break as he pauses to pick the wild flowers of his fondest moments

the sky above turns grey while winds of change and clouds of circumstance conspire to hide the sun that once shone brighter

just for him

freedom

"it's a vvvvvery blustery day pooh" the voices said
and yet
like a madmad he stood silent
unfettered by any sense of decorum or or expectation to look even remotely sane
and for but a moment

he was free

goodbye

like a billion points of light

passing through the night sky

like the first time you looked at me that way

like the last time you looked at me that way

not what or why - how

it's not why
or what

it's how
that will hurt forever when my thoughts are of you

not by choice

finds himself with a heavy heart
and a head full of garbage

undeniable

sometimes the most intelligent of perspectives

is undeniably

placed before us by our own blood

and the innocence of unsophisticated instinct

couldn't be better

well i'm fine
and thanks for asking
just woke up one morning and moved on
like every last moment we shared never happened
and every plan we ever made was never made
the meds kicked in
i pulled my socks up to my nuts
and suddenly
everywhere i go
pixie dust wafts from my arsehole

i couldn't
be
better

never is always now

I have lived longer in the last thirteen years
than most people ever live in an entire life time
Hanging on and letting go
Hundred miles an hour in the middle of the darkest night
Head out the window
Headlights off
Jaw clenched tight
Unforgiven
Unrepentant
I have tasted and been tasted
I have died
And been reborn
Over and over
Loved
Laughed lived lusted
Fallen down
Fallen up
Indulged more sins than one man should have time to commit
my life is like sand
A billion tiny moments
Bound together by proximity
into a shapeless existence
Of fate
circumstance
Cause and effect
too angry to hate tired to care strange to live and stupid to die
yesterday’s excuse
tomorrow’s reason
today's treason
unforgiven
unrepentant
too bad to be good
too good to be bad
and i know for certain
whether you believe it or not
that never is always now
and the worst is yet to come