running to stand still

I have autumn in my back yard
The trees are big now
Like a piece of the forest
Multicolored leaves lay everywhere
Today
I watched squirrels chasing one another in those trees
Up and down
Full throttle
Black and grey
Grey and black
Spiraling around the branches
Upside down and inside out
Crazed little bastards
Dancing they nutty dance
Mindlessly yet vividly
I suddenly remember another of so many yesterdays
Sitting in greg’s parent’s kitchen
Early morning after night shift
Looking onto beau valley
With it’s trees and squirrels and sunrise
Mesmerized
marijuanized
Smoking cigarettes and talking shit
And how long ago that seems
And how many lessons I was learning back then
Cause and effect
Effect without cause
Life
love
lust
hate
Hurt
respect
And what happened to that process
Am I a product of the results
Or
am I still awash in the same world
of cause and effect
Effect without cause
Life
love
lust
hate
Hurt
respect
after all this time
I find myself finding places I’ve never been
Dancing to music I’ve never heard
Feeling ways I’ve never felt
And I’ve decided
that this is just the way it is
like running down hill
leaving every last step behind
hoping the head and the heart travel together
instead of tumbling over one another
never really knowing
what the next step will bring
fucking rat bastard squirrels
inspiration
or insanity
insanity and inspiration
hectic